Begin.

Tonight I'm weighing in at *197.1* So here's the first of many posts along my journey. I've attempted this before, never really got anywhere. I am tired of being told how fat I am. I want what every single girl on the face of this earth wants. I want to be tiny. I want to be pretty. I want to feel accepted and I want to be free of this constant weight issue. I crave admiration and I want to be so thin that I'm fragile.

I've been teased for it almost my whole life. No one takes me seriously. I cried when I discovered my BMI is actually 30.8.

The worst part (and most likely my driving factor) is my husband. He hasn't really been supportive of me, and honestly his acceptance of me is my driving factor. He's constantly looking at porn. The women are always skin and bones, and when I bring it up to him he says "Well, can you blame me?" We fight often, and he always makes comments like "Go out to eat, Brittany. Pack some more on." It kills me. I want to prove everyone wrong. I've been beautiful before, and I can do it again.

I have this fucking problem where I leech on to whatever pays attention to me, and I refuse to let go.  No matter how fucking dangerous it is. I cant stand being alone, and that's where I'm headed if I don't make this change.

I've managed, somehow, to disgustingly gain 60 lbs in the last 2 years. Don't fucking ask me how I did it. I let myself go. The lowest I've ever been in my entire life was 130. Well, I'm setting my sights higher than that. My target is 120, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there.

Im learning, reading, studying. Diets, exercise plans, restricting, MIA, allllll these delightful tactics that have worked for other bloggers in the past.

I'm going to fucking make this happen. Just you fucking watch. You're going to regret all the hurtful things you've said about me. You're going to watch me bloom into an unbroken butterfly, and fly the fuck away from here as fast as I can.